Journey of Discovery

The more I thought about the implication of not being the son of the man I called "Father", the more sleep eluded me. I had a rough night. I shut myself in my room and ignored the pleas of Ebere to eat and to speak with her. It was like a revelation had just taken place.

The next morning, I had made my decision. Yes my eyes had eyebags and I was physically tired. But I had a strong determination to start my journey of discovery.

"Where are you going to?" Ebere asked when she saw me descending the stairs with my packed knapsack. She was carrying Father's early morning tea to his bedroom.
"To find my father!"
"Chimaobi," she started with that voice like mother's that always made me not do what I wanted to do.
"Ebere, this is more than you think!"
"What will Daddy say if he finds out you are not in the house?"
"Tell him I have gone to find my father!"
"This is all too sudden, my only brother. Why don't we sit down together and plan this trip?"
"I'll be fine. I have this one figured out. If I don't come back, I am better off dead than living with a man like this!"
I think the mention of death shook her. She looked frightened.
"Can I come with you?"

Spoken like a true woman, I thought. I had watched enough movies where once a woman got involved, things started to spoil.

I had started shaking my head when Father walked out of his room. I wondered if he had fully recovered from being drunk, a daily routine.

"Son, where are you going to?" There was no concern in his voice. It was as though he wanted to start a fight.
"To visit my maternal grand parents," I replied curtly. I don't know if I was irritated by his sight or the fact that he called me "Son!"
"Did you discuss it with me?"
"No..."

He was about to raise his hands to slap me when Ebere dropped the tea tray to stop him. That caused a distraction. His eyes were red with fury and his nostrils were flaring. It was then I was convinced that I was not his child. I starred at him for a long time. I did not have his physical characteristics and yet, I did not have his character.

"Daddy, let him go," Ebere pleaded. "If the both of you stay together for long, you will end up fighting."
He starred at me hard for one last time then stormed into his room.
"I have to go now," I said to Ebere.
She nodded. She walked towards me and gave me a long, loving embrace.
"Take care and come back with the truth," she whispered in my ears.
I nodded. I extricated from her embrace. I walked away. I did not look back. Maybe if I did she would have seen my fear, my worry and the moistness of my eyes.

"Mother, I know you wrote those poems for me. I am going to get to the root of everything...."
And then a smile came upon my face from inside out.

**************************************************

To everyone, Ugochi's son was a premature baby. He came earlier than expected. She was the only one that knew the truth. He was a full term baby. His name was Chimaobi, just like his father's.

A Little Secret

A Little Secret
I sought to share this little secret with you
This secret that wiped away my gloom
But somehow I was unable to let you know
That between us, we have a son;

This little secret is a blessing to me
For it is a living proof that “we” exist
It is the only reminder I have of you
And my hope to go on with each passing day;

I write this little secret
Hoping that one day you will see this
And know that we have a son
Whose name is same as yours.

Your seed,
My hope.

It was Ebere that read this poem. When she started it, we thought is was one of mother’s jokes. But as she read on, the words began to dawn on me. I had a million questions running through my head. By the time she was through, I was sweating profusely.

“Chimaobi, are you okay?” Ebere asked in that concerned tone similar to Mother’s.

I could not respond immediately. Did she know what she had just read?

As if reading my thoughts, she asked, “Do you think you are the son Mother was writing about?”
“She never told us she had another son.”
“I know Father’s name is John. Could his middle name be Chimaobi?”
“Ebere, we have been reading Mother’s poems. It is obvious there was someone she loved who is not Father. She got married off!” I was beginning to sound irritated. “I am the son of that man!”
“She never mentioned a name, Chimaobi. Please calm down.”
“Listen, Ebere, something is definitely not right here. Mother wrote down these things for a reason. I am going to meet Aunty Adaeze to find out what exactly happened!”
She breathed out then shook her head.
“I don’t want what you’re thinking to be true,” she confessed with a voice filled with fear. “I always want to be your sister – same mother and father.”
“With the way things are sounding, I am even scared to pray such a prayer.”

That was a statement summarizing my hopelessness and fear. I walked out of the room went to my room, leaving Ebere to pack up the poems. I locked my room door behind me. As the million thoughts ran through my head and I fought to gain some sanity, I wondered what the implication would be if what I suspected was true. Then I realized that I could be a bastard. The mere thought of the word filled me with terror. I knelt down on my bed and let my tears flow.

***************************************

One week after the wedding, Ugochi and her husband left Nigeria for America where he was based. Ugochi prepared meals for her husband grudgingly. She always looked forward to when he left the house for work. But when night time came, the trouble was too much. The beatings and raping continued for one month every other day. She was always reluctant to have intercourse with him. Her face and body was always battered.

One morning, after a whole night of beating, fighting and raping, she woke up sick. She was throwing up that it almost left her breathless. After John left the house, she called a taxi that took her to a clinic.

The kind doctor she met started by giving her treatment for her bruises. Then after she explained how she was feeling to him, he asked some nurses to run some tests on her.

She was discussing his profession with him when a nurse brought the results. He had a wide grin as he looked at the results. He went back to his notes to where he has asked for her last menstrual period.

“Congratulations, Ugochi,” he pronounced her name in a funny way. “You are three months pregnant.”

She did not return his smile immediately. While he talked about the plans for ante-natals, she had to do some calculations in her head.

Three months pregnant? And I am one-month old in marriage? That means only one thing. The father of this child is Chimaobi.

Then she smiled.

“Doctor, please could you do me a favour?”
“What is it, Ugochi?”
“Please can you ask my husband not to come near me during my pregnancy? He is so brutal on me I fear I may lose the child.”
“I will have a word with your husband, Ugochi. This issue is more serious than you think.”

The news of her pregnancy began a period of hope in Ugochi’s life being married to a man she did not love.

Moving on

Each day that passed after Chimaobi walked away, Ugochi felt hurt. Some days she could not eat. She hoped that he will return and say it was all a joke. Her father prevented her from going to see Chimaobi. She was indoors waiting for Chimaobi. But as time went on, she did not hear from him. She was nonchalant about her wedding preparations coming up. Adaeze and Uchechi took over the planning and preparation of the traditional wedding. There was no white wedding planned.

After three weeks of not hearing from Chimaobi, three weeks of sleepless nights and pinning away with heartbreak, she decided to write him a letter. It was a long letter explaining the predicament she found herself and a profession of her undying love for him. She also explained her wish for them to elope. After writing the letter and sealing it with a kiss, she gave it to Ogechi to deliver to Chimaobi.

Ugochi never knew that the letter did not reach Chimaobi. Ogechi gave it to Chimaobi’s younger sister. Younger sister got soaked while playing under the rain. The letter was ruined. Since she did not have anything to show her brother, she threw the letter away and never mentioned it to anyone. When Ugochi did not get a feedback from Chimaobi, she assumed he did not care about her anymore. Ugochi also did not know that her parents visited Chimaobi’s parents and told them to tell Chimaobi to stay away from her. Embarrassed Chimaobi, who also could not stand the thought of his loved one being given away, had to take some weeks off to be away from that vicinity, since the traditional wedding was taking place in her house.

That was how Ugochi was married off to John. It was the saddest day of her life. She could not force a smile all through the occasion. The pictures were evidence of her sadness. She could not wait for the day to end.

The end of the day came. When she and John got to their hotel room for the 1st night of marriage, she did not let him come near her.

“Please, I want to rest tonight. Today has been very hectic for me,” she said. She could not imagine herself sharing the same bed with this man not to mention consummating the marriage that night. She could only wish she was sharing the beautiful room with Chimaobi, the man she loved.
“You don’t have to do anything,” John said. “Just lie down on the bed.”
She shook her head. They argued for a while. John tried to force himself on her. She resisted. They fought. Her kicking and screaming was like sweet music to his ears. That night, he raped her, leaving her very sore and in pains.

“So this is my fate?” she asked herself as she remained awake all through the night disturbed by his snores and the pains in between her legs. She thought of how different it was with Chimaobi. She sighed. Then she started sobbing quietly. She drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning on a wet pillow.