Accepting Reality

It took some courage, but Ugochi had to get help from her sisters. She came out of the study where she had been all through the three days, except when she had to eat or use the bathroom. She went to her elder sisters’ room – the meeting point for all gist.

“Hi everyone,” she said, feigning a smile as she sat on the couch beside Adaeze. Uchechi and Ogechi were on the bed, opposite the couch. As usual, they were all full of excitement making loud noise. Ugochi’s entrance caused a momentary silence.

“Are you back from the village of denial?” Uchechi teased.
“Yeah. I’ve finally made up my mind to accept the proposal. God will be with me all through, that I am sure of.”
“That’s more like the spirit,” Adaeze said and gave Ugochi a warm hug. “Do you know how many of us are dying to be the wife of Cousin John?”
“He’s no more Cousin John…He’s now brother-in-law John…” she said this amusingly making her sisters giggle.
Before anyone could start speaking, she started by saying, “I need some tips from you as I prepare for marriage.”
“What kind of tips?” Uchechi asked.
“Like, if my husband does not want to come to the bed, like do the thing with me, what can I do to make him come to the bed?”
“No husband will not want to come to the bed if someone as beautiful as you is in there!” Adaeze said humuorously.
“What if I annoyed him? What if I said we would not do anything and he has taken me seriously?”
“Ada,” Uchechi said, “We need to help our sister. We don’t want her to disgrace the Alozie Girls’ family name. What do you think?”
“Oge, please excuse us for a moment,” Ada told Ogechi, their youngest sister. She tried to refuse, but Uchechi dragged her out of the room and then locked her out.
“I think you are asking us how you can seduce your husband if he is not willing?” Adaeze asked.
Ugochi nodded.
“Plan for the day or night when you want to do it. Have a nice bath. Shave your hairs; you know which hairs I’m talking about…?” Ugochi nodded. “Smell good, use light but sensuous make-up, go to him, talk to him but while talking to him, be touching him.”
“How am I going to get or do the make-up? What am I going to say to him?”
“We’ll give you some cosmetics, but when you prepare for the wedding, we’d buy you your own cosmetics,” Uchechi said. “When you talk to him, just tell him all you like about him, the first day you fell in love with him, what he means to you, how good he is… just words to please him. He won’t know when you are touching him but something would be happening within him.”
I would not lack such words to say to Chimaobi, Ugochi thought. I really do love him, and he is a wonderful guy. As she thought of him, she felt a fresh pain in her heart. Her eyes moistened. Her sisters did not notice.
“I also suggest you wear a morning coat or a wrap-round gown that can easily be removed by the pull of a string,” Adaeze continued.
“And, my dear, no underwear. This is because if he is refusing, all you have to do is pull the string and behold…”Uchechi was saying before she started giggling. Adaeze joined her.
“You are so naughty, Uche,” Adaeze said in between laughter. “I thought I was worse than you.”
“I learnt from you... Come on, this is not about us. It’s about Ugochi. Let’s get her one of your wrap-round gowns and do the make-up thing. Let’s have a rehearsal!!!”

After several rehearsals, from how she should walk up to him, to the tone of her voice, and the words to say, Adaeze and Uchechi certified her okay. They gave her a wrap-round gown to keep. She also had to admit that the make-up made her look beautiful.

She went back to the study. She leaned on the wall and slid down slowly until she sat on the floor. She closed her eyes as she thought of the next plan. She had to answer some questions.
What am I doing? Seducing Chimaobi.
Why am I doing it? Because otherwise, he may not agree to sleep with me.
With whom am I doing this with? Chimaobi of course.
Where am I doing it? In his room, in the BQ.
How am I doing it? Sensuously and seductively.

The last question came:
When am I doing it?
Tonight.
God help me so.

The Chosen One

It was three days later that Ugochi knew the details of her move to the UK. Her parents called her to their bedroom and broke the news to her.
“You know you will go to London to continue your education,” her father started.
She nodded slowly with no enthusiasm on her countenance. She sat on a chair opposite them who were seated at the edge of their bed.
“You’ll leave next month.” He hesitated before saying, “You’ll be going as John’s wife.”
“What!” she muttered in shock.
“Yes,” her mother chipped in.

She could hear her heartbeat suddenly faster and louder, thumping like they could explode in her rib cage. As John’s wife? She asked herself. What would happen to my beloved Chimaobi? My new found faithful love?

“Why me?” she asked while gripping the arms of the chair for fear she would slip off the seat and faint.
“You are the chosen one,” her father continued with a sly smile that revealed some of his brown teeth, discolored from excess chewing of kolanuts.
“Daddy, I am not the first girl nor the second girl in this house. I am only seventeen years old. My dream is to marry a Christian, who shares the same beliefs as I do, and someone who is not fifteen years older than me.”
“John is a Christian. He goes to church…”
“Not a church-goer but a committed Christian…”
“Shut up, my friend!” her father suddenly shouted.

She sat back on her seat when her father stood up. It meant she had to go through the remaining part of the discussion in silence. She had provoked her father and she did not want any of the consequences.

“Age has nothing to do with marriage,” her mother continued as her father paced the room to cool down. “You’ve known John right from your childhood. He is a good man. He will take care of you and make you happy. Since he is mature, he will not treat you the way small boys do. He will not break your heart.”
“Listen, Ugochi, this house is on fire,” her father said after resuming his sitting position. “There is no money and no food in this house. We are living from hand to mouth. All my businesses have collapsed. Uncle Simeon has promised us two million naira for your acceptance of the marriage proposal. He will help us get back our property and take care of the family. You are the pride of the family. You are the one bringing restoration to us.”
She dare not voice her thoughts of “so you are selling me for two million naira? Pride of the family my foot!”
“What if I don’t accept? What if I run away?”
“Then I will skin you alive…” Her father said and she knew it was not an empty threat.
She had no other choice but to accept reluctantly while praying that in a month’s time, God will do something to restore the family. Then she will not have to be married off.

While her sisters rejoiced over the oncoming traditional marriage that would take place in their home, she went into seclusion for three days. How would I tell Chimaobi this news? She asked herself. How will I bear to be separated for him, not just for a while but for life? The more she thought about her separation from Chimaobi, the more she wept. Then she had an idea.

Why don’t I give my virginity to Chimaobi as a parting gift? But we agreed that our wedding night will be our first night of being together. How can I make him change his mind? What do I do? Maybe this is time to learn from my sisters…

The First Clue

The next morning, as soon as Father stepped out, Ebere and I went back to Mother's room. We had not had breakfast. We pounced on the poems and continued from where we stopped.

"Chimaobi, please let me read this one to you," Ebere offered when we got to a sad poem.
I nodded. She read out the poem with a voice deep with emotions. The poem was titled "You are the man".

You are the man


Who brings out the best in me


Who gives me reason to live


Who opened my eyes to bliss;





You are the man


Whose touch speaks sweet words


Whose words churn my world


Whose love is like none I know;





But fate has stepped in


And I see that we were not destined to be


Now I leave with someone else


I fear we may never see again;





I will miss our treasured moments


Of sweet kisses and whispered sweet nothings


Of shared dreams and love inexplicable


Of a planned future that cannot be;





You are the man


I will always love


I will always adore


I will always keep in my heart:



How do I say goodbye?






"Are you thinking what I am thinking?" I asked Ebere.
"Yeah, Daddy is not the man she was in love with," Ebere replied.
"What could have gone wrong?" I wondered out loud, "How could she go with someone else?"
"We might have to ask Aunty Adaeze or Grandma."
"You know mummy does not really like them. They only come here to take money from Daddy."
"We could have an idea from asking."

I had mixed feelings. I was happy the man mother loved was not father, but I was not happy that she did not marry the man she loved.

"Let's search the poems maybe we could get more clues," I suggested.
"Suddenly I feel like a detective," Ebere said humourously.
"Oh yes, Private Ebere. Let's dig the poems for more info..."

Uncle Simeon’s Visit

Ugochi was lounging with Chimaobi one evening when Uchechi found them. They were in a secluded part of the garden in Chimaobi’s home. That was where they usually spent their evenings getting to know more about themselves.

“There you are,” Uchechi said. “Hmmm! Ugochi! When we ask you what is going on between you and Chimaobi, you say you are just friends. This one that we do not see you in the house anymore, don’t come back one day with belle oh!”
“Ah ah, Uche,”Chimaobi said trying to stand up for embarrassed Ugochi. “Don’t you trust your sister?”
“Surely not with someone like you. You are irresistible,” she added the latter flirtingly. Then she turned to Ugochi who had hurriedly stood up and dusted the sand off her jean trousers. “Uncle Simeon is here. Daddy wants all of us to greet him. He came with Cousin John.”

The mention of Uncle Simeon made her forget Uchechi’s earlier statement. A smile lit her face. Uncle Simeon’s visit meant they would all have pocket money. She hurriedly joined Uchechi to head for the house.
“See you tomorrow, Chimaobi,” she said as she departed.

The whole family was in the living room when she and Uchechi walked in. Their father had brought out his best drinks, which she thought must have been sold. Their mother had prepared yam and peppersoup for the Uncle Simeon and cousin John. Her entrance caused a moment of silence. It was her greeting that brought the living room back to life.

They spent the evening catching up on old times. Cousin John went out with Adaeze and Uchechi to chat briefly. He was years older than all of them. Ugochi did not feel she was mature enough to partake in their discussion. She remained in the living room with chatterbox Ogechi, their parents and Uncle Simeon who kept appraising her from time to time.
“Your daughters have all grown well,” Uncle Simeon said as he was leaving. He doled out huge sums of money to all of them. “Your daughters are very beautiful,” he added with his eyes on Ugochi. “My friend, let’s go out and talk,” he said to her father.
When her father came back from seeing off Uncle Simeon and Cousin John, Adaeze and Uchechi jumped on him asking, “How many of us are going? Who is going? Who is going?”
Going to where? Ugochi thought.
“What are you talking about?” their father asked with a trace of amusement in his tone. He sat on his favourite seat in the living room and let out a breath of relief.
“John told us. He told us that one or two of us will be going to America,” Uchechi said.
Their father looked at their mother before speaking.
“Yes, someone will be going to America. They said it is Ugochi. You and Adaeze are already in school and it will not be nice to disrupt your education. Ogechi is too young. So Ugochi goes.”
“Oooh!” Both Uchechi and Adaeze expressed their disappointment.
“What are you all talking about?” Ugochi had to ask.

Sign of Changes

Everything was changing.
Ugochi now shared her days between church and Chimaobi. She began building her relationship with him. Theirs was an innocent and platonic relationship. The most contact they had were strolls holding each others hands and a few stolen kisses when they wanted to say good night.

Everything was changing.
Ugochi’s dreams of the future had changed. She no longer hoped to become a nun. She looked forward to being a wife to Chimaobi and mother of his children.

More things were changing.

Hardship crept into the family slowly like a worm burrowing into the soil. Ugochi was sensitive enough to notice these changes. In the space of 6 months, 3 cars had reduced to 1 and pieces of furniture were disappearing. When she asked her father what was going on, he said he was planning to replace the things that were gone. The trip to the village during Christmas was cancelled because the house at home had been bought by a stranger. There was also no Christmas clothe that year.

More and more things were changing.
The gas/electric cooker was sold for a table top cooker supported by a kerosene stove. The gardener and driver were laid off. The girls had to learn how to weed and cut grass.

While things were changing, Ugochi’s feelings towards Chimaobi grew. He was someone she could discuss all her fears and concerns with. She loved spending time with him. The more she got to know him, the more she loved him. She was glad that there was no reduction in her feelings towards him.
It was during those times she wrote the poem titled “One thing has not changed”.

The final incident that made Ugochi conclude that things were bad was when her mother asked for their old clothes. These they usually gave out for charity. Ugochi witnessed a woman come to their house to pick the clothes, some of her mother’s clothes and pieces of jewellery, in exchange for money.
“There’s nothing else to sell,” Ugochi told herself as she watched the woman leave with things that was once theirs. “Or, is there anything else to sell?”

Confusion

“Mum must have been deeply in love”, Ebere said as she passed one poem to me. We had gone through more than twenty poems but she wanted me to read out the one titled “One thing has not changed”.

One thing has not changed
I look all around me
Everything is changing
People around me are cold
Things I once cherish I cannot hold;

I wonder what is going on
I take a chance to voice my thoughts
Yet silence is all I get
Leaving me more confused with each passing day;

Then I sit back to muse on events
I realize one great truth – one thing has not changed
That is my undying love for you
Which nothing and no one can change.

“Could this be our father?” I thought. Just before I could voice out my thoughts, we heard the familiar hoot of father’s car. We quickly hid the poems under mother’s bed and ran to our respective bedrooms. I assured Ebere, who was reluctant to leave, that we would come back to the poems the next day because it was already 6p.m.

I pretended to be reading a book though my ears were alert for every move of father’s. He brought fear into my life. I hated him for all the pain he put mother through. I was scared of becoming a man, a husband and a father one day because I feared I will be like my father. I asked myself again, “Could he be the man mother was in love with? Was it because she had an undying love for him that was she could not leave him despite all he did? What kind of love did she have for him that overlooked his barbaric attitude?”

He went first to Ebere’s room, which was adjacent mine. I heard him demand for his food. I heard her stand up from the bed dragging her feet. I went back to my book, trying to focus or look serious in case he comes into my room. I noticed my book was upside down so I readjusted it.

Just when I thought I will concentrate on the book, I heard Ebere say, “Daddy, leave me alone.” There was a slap. There was a scream from Ebere. I could ignore him beating mother, because she ordered me never to get involved. But I would not ignore him touching Ebere. I stood up from my bed and rushed to her room filled with anger and hate. I saw my father with his arm around Ebere’s neck trying to suffocate her. I did not know when I sent a blow to his jaw that weakened him. He smelled as if he has been soaked in alcohol.

“Don’t ever touch her again,” I warned seriously.
He attempted to return my blow but I dodged. He lost his step and fell on the floor.
“Hope you have not hurt him,” Ebere said whimpering as she fell on her knees by his side. “He was not himself. He was under the influence of alcohol.”

Father grunted for us to help him up. Whether he was a drunkard or a woman-beater, he was still our father. We helped him up and took him to his room. I left Ebere with him as she tried to talk to him.

I walked away angry, frustrated and sad. I could not say a word to either of them.
“Mother, how come your love did not change for such a man?” I wondered as I found solace in the solitude of my room.

Confessions from the Heart

“I would like to go home now,” Ugochi muttered, almost out of breath.
She attempted to stand up but Chimaobi held her back.
“You can’t help it, you are a red blooded female not something else,” he whispered in her ears.
“I wish I could help it. Now I know it is beyond my willpower, I have to find another way round it.”
She managed to extricate from his grasp. She got up and stood at akimbo, staring into space.
What am I doing? She asked herself. Am I not a Christian? What will Father say if he knows what I’ve done?
She was still in that state of confusion and guilt when Chimaobi walked up to her. He stood facing her. Both of them began looking at each other in a different way from before.
“Ugochi…” he started.
“Chimaobi, I am not happy with the way today is going. I did not expect this.” She sounded very hurt.
“I’m really sorry. I did not expect things to turn out this way. I have always wanted to be close to you but being with you, I can’t control myself” he said in a voice husky with emotions.
“You’ve seen me only twice, today making it three times,” Ugochi said, shocked that he felt the same way as she did.
“I have seen you a lot more than that. You captivated me from the first day I laid my eyes on you. You are beautiful and graceful. Every time I came to your house was just to see you but you were always locked up somewhere or not in the house. When I found out you had selected days to do the cooking, I seized it as an opportunity to sneak in through the kitchen to see you. You are different and special. I respect and admire you a lot.” Chimaobi’s speech delighted Ugochi in every way but she felt he was rushing things.
“Why are you telling me all these?” She asked for she was still in a state of disbelief that he did have intimate feelings for her.
“I can’t go on deceiving myself. This is the truth. You are such a lovely person to know and to be friends with. But there’s this feeling I have for you which I cannot describe. This feeling keeps me thinking about you.”
Ugochi had never heard such sweet words. The moment he moved closer to her and held her close to him, she found herself saying, “I feel ashamed to say this but I feel the same way that you do. To me, this is more than a crush.”
Once more he kissed her, to this kiss she responded fully.

It was that evening she wrote the poem “No More Pretence”.

Chimaobi dropped her off by 7p.m. leaving her a different Ugochi from the one who left home. Everyone at home wanted to know how the outing was.
“How was the outing?”
“Which joint did he take you to?”
“Did he spend on you?”
“Was he nice to you?”
So many questions were asked and Ugochi answered them. Everyone seemed to be delighted that she accepted his offer for outing. They all encouraged such outings to become frequent.

“You need such outings more often,” her mother said. “It makes your eyes sparkle and your face glow.”
“But you should not get yourself too involved with this Chimaobi of a boy,” her father warned. “Let the relationship be like brothers and sisters. Anyway, of all my daughters, it’s you I trust the most so I’m not worried. I know you won’t start thinking like your sisters”.

While this brought up another discussion, Ugochi was left to ponder on what her father had said. In not too many words, he did not want Chimaobi to be her boyfriend. Of course, she could not expect anybody to be in support of her relationship with her next-door neighbor. And as a Christian, the thought of being intimate with him was out of the question. But then there was a bond between the both of them which she could feel. She only wondered where this bond would lead them to.

Mother's First Kiss

Ebere and I took turns in reading the poems. Each one told a story and seemed like a continuation of the previous one. We were able to associate with mother’s innocent feelings because, as adolescents, our hormones had become active. One poem I liked was “No More Pretence” and I read it out: -

No more Pretence
Yesterday,
I was a different girl
I did not know what love meant
I did not know I was living in emptiness;

Then you walked into my life
My days were filled with thoughts of you
My heart hungered for more of you
Every day I longed for you
Yet I tried to hide the way I feel;

And then you gave me a kiss
Making me experience the word bliss
Today there is nothing about me I can hold back
I cannot pretend I am in love with you.

“Chimaobi, this should be Mother’s first kiss,” Ebere said excitedly. I nodded. “She must have really treasured it. Awwww! This is so sweet…”

Trust females to get so mushy about such things.

***************************************************

As the poem “No More Pretence” implied, Ugochi was able to come in contact with Chimaobi again. It was about two months after the spill incident. Once again she was in the kitchen.

“Your food smells delicious, it made my mouth water from a distance,” he said jovially and she let out a light laugh, displaying a perfect set of white teeth. “You should smile more often,” he continued, “you just looked too beautiful to be true when you smiled.”
She tittered.
“Thanks. I smile often,” she said. “Last time we met was a bit awkward. It wasn’t a time to smile.”
“I heard you are always smiling. I guess that’s why you are as lovely as you are,” he added.
This made her smile with embarrassment. It was not because she had not heard such words before. Coming from Chimaobi, it was heavenly.
“I think it’s best you go and see Uchechi in the sitting room because today’s not her turn for cooking,” Ugochi said so he could leave her. Seeing him made her heart beat in fast paces and she was not sure she would do anything right if he was there. All the things she had planned to say to him eluded her memory.
“I didn’t come to see Uchechi today. I came to see you,” he said and his words made stare at him in shock.
“Me?” She asked in disbelief. She was not sure if she was overjoyed for she had secretly wished he would come to see her, but then what could she say to him to pass the time?

“Yes, you. I heard you’ve worked so hard preparing for your SSCE and now you’re done I decided to give you a treat. You deserve it, to go out to a nice place, relax, and then we could get to know ourselves a lot better. How about going out tomorrow?”
“No, thank you,” she said quickly. It was an offer, one in a life’s time, but she had to turn him down because she was scared of her feelings for him. What if he did not return this her growing love for him? She asked herself. She did not want to expect too much from him and get hurt when she got nothing.
“You are so deep in thought, maybe you think your parents would not approve”, he said, penetrating her thoughts, “but I’ve even told your father of my offer and he said you are very reserved, and he’d like you to go out once in a while”.
“Nobody, except God, can make me do what I don’t want to do”, she said flatly.

Next day found her dressed up, and going to the Igwe’s home for the first time since they moved in.
“What made you change your mind?” Chimaobi asked her, surprised she had accepted his offer.
She could not tell him what made her change mind. Ugochi thought, how can I tell him that I really wanted to go out with him? Or that I have suddenly begun to fall in love with him? How could I explain to him that his coming into my life changed me completely?
“A lot of pressures from my folks,” she said, which was partly true.

He took her out to a nice resort. The place was surrounded by beautiful, natural resources like an artificial lake of cool, clear water which was used for recreation, a hill which was easy to climb when one was on top, one could see a vast land of beautiful sceneries not to mention the garden spot with beautiful flowers and shrubs. The area endowed with canopies, table and chairs for couples to sit and have snacks.
“I’ve never known of such a lovely place,” she said. Her eyes were sparkling with excitement.
“I bet you’ve never stepped out of your bedroom,” he said teasingly.

After having a nice meal together, they sat on the soft carpet grass, sipping chilled juices. They did not lack what to talk about as Chimaobi had a vast knowledge of things she thought she knew. She made a good listener, hardly ever interrupting him. When he started asking her things about herself, she felt free opening up to him. She had never felt so relaxed with anybody like the way she felt with him.
“I never knew people could have fun this way,” she said. “I thought church activities were the only interesting things to do.”
“There’s a first time for everything,” he replied, “and I hope you are enjoying yourself”.
To this she nodded. He was so patient and understanding, she told herself.
A sudden quietness added to the isolation of the area they were in. Ugochi could not get herself to think normally, nor could she control her unsteadiness caused by the stare Chimaobi was giving her.
“Had a boyfriend before?” He suddenly asked and she quickly replied a sharp “No!”
“Why?”
“It’s a sin. I know it will not lead to marriage and any courtship without the intention for marriage is sinful,” she replied.
“Is it a sin being out here with me?”
“It depends on what’s on our minds. Motives matter.”
“Would it be a sin if I kissed you?” As he asked this question, his fingers were trailing down her face until he cupped her chin.
For that moment, she could not breathe. She could not answer his question for fear that a wrong word might come out of her mouth. If she said yes, she might lose her chance of ever being kissed by him. If she said no, he might know her feelings for him, which she was trying to hide.
But her eyes betrayed her for in her eyes, her desire to be kissed was showing clearly. Her quivering lips did not help matters. She did not stop him as his lips descended on hers, neither could she prevent herself from responding to what she felt was the gate to paradise. As he kissed her, his hand touched and caressed her body in a sensational way that the abrupt end of the kiss left her yearning for more.
“You want me to go on?” he asked in a husky, desire-filled voice.